One-Shot : If Only....

Disclaimer – The characters you recognize belong to 4 Lions Productions but the ones you don’t are mine. The concept, story and dialogues belong to me. Please don’t copy this story in part/whole with anyone/anywhere or share it without my permission.


Author's Note : So this is set in the 6 month contract marriage period. Shashi was hospitalized for a while, and as he recovers his power of speech, the first person he talks to is Arnav.  And the story takes off from that point of time. I guess its my take on the 6 month contract marriage had there not been any kidnapping or things like that. 

Arnav stepped out of Ward No. 456. He walked towards the exit of the hospital, still in a daze. People bustled around him – doctors, nurses, patients and relatives alike. Yet, the outer mayhem was nothing like the inner turmoil Arnav faced. Thoughts raced across his mind like a hurricane, leaving Arnav feeling extremely vulnerable and weak on the outside.

‘It’s Shyam, Arnav beta. He put me in this state. It’s his fault.’

 

‘Uncle –‘ 

‘Don’t interrupt me, beta. Let me speak freely for now.’

And that had been it. The feeling of shame, guilt and utter despair as Shashi revealed to Arnav the conniving ways of Shyam, a man whom Arnav had considered to be a perfect husband, a man whom he had been at ease with, a man who had betrayed him and his sister so terribly, a man he had chosen to trust over her.

Khushi.

She had been right all along.

And he had chosen to not believe her.

He had chosen to hate her, and he had taken special efforts in making sure she felt his hatred. Not just that, he had played a hand in making his other family members feel disappointed in Khushi as well…when he married her forcefully for 6 months to prevent her from continuing her relationship with Shyam.

A relationship…. which had never existed at all.

A vague memory flitted across Arnav’s mind as he re-lived a few moments he had experienced with Khushi. He didn’t want to remember any of them…yet it seemed like his thoughts had a mind of their own, as they drew his attention towards them unwillingly.

Khushi was talking to Garima about him. Both of them seemed impervious to the fact that Arnav was right outside the room. Arnav heard his name being mentioned and stayed back, wondering if Khushi would reveal to Garima the tension that was prevalent between them. However, he wished he hadn’t listened to what she said next, as it left him confused and frustrated.

‘Jab bhi hum aap sab ke baare mein sochkar dukhi ho jaate hai,toh aapko pata hai woh kitne pareshaan ho jaate hai?Phir humaare chehre pe muskuraahat laane ke ji tod koshish karenge’.

‘Agar hume choti si kharoch bhi aaye,toh humse zyaada takleef unhe hoti hai. Humaare aakhon mein aasoon, unse bilkul bhi bardaah nahi hoti. ‘

‘Arnavji duniya ke sabse accha pati hai.’

*

She stumbled as he dragged her up the steps of the temple. He didn’t slow down, and he wasn’t bothered if his hurried movements hurt her. A forceful pull, and she was in front of him. And they were in front of the deity. She looked at him with glistening eyes, silently pleading that he not go through with his disastrous plan. But Arnav was blind in his hatred. In the midst of the stormy wind blowing around them, Arnav tied the ‘mangalsutra’ forcefully around Khushi’s neck and filled the partition in her forehead with vermillion - as hatred shone through his eyes.

He had taken everything she had ever dreamt about, and turned it into her worst nightmare.

Keeping his head bowed down – un-characteristic for Arnav Singh Raizada – Arnav briskly walked towards his car. There was a difference in his walk though. It was no longer the confident stride of a man who knew he was right; it was the defeated walk of a man who had been proven wrong - time and again.

Arnav revved the car to a start, and began driving…. not really realizing where he was heading to. He just wanted to get away from the hospital and its surroundings. As Arnav’s Toyota Fortuner screeched to a halt, Arnav looked around to identify his surroundings.

He realized he was in his secret haven – his mother’s garden.

The one place he found solace in. And yet…. Arnav didn’t feel appeased being there. He walked towards a bench in the middle of the garden, surrounded by greenery. For once, Arnav Singh Raizada wasn’t in a hurry to act.

Arnav Singh Raizada was going to reflect. He was going to reflect on his actions, his decisions… something he hadn’t bothered doing for a very long time.

The first time that I saw you

Looking like you did

We were young, we were restless

Just two clueless kids…

But if I knew then

What I know now

I’d fall in love.

‘She’d been really frightened then’, Arnav mused. If Arnav was to be honest to himself, he would find that he had been intimidated too. Never had another person made him question his thoughts, his actions, his decisions and most importantly his confidence and ruthless nature. The fact that a woman had managed to make him feel all that within a few meetings made him restless and insecure. And if there was something insecurity did to Arnav, it made him angry. And anger made him blind. He’d always known that somewhere. And yet….his rash decisions had hurt her eventually.

Arnav woke up to the sound of incessant murmuring. As he opened his eyes, he tried to place the sound. He realized it was Khushi talking…. to herself. In her sleep. He mentally rolled his eyes and sat up on the bed to listen to her murmuring, but not before a ‘What The’ left his mouth at the subject of her chatter.

‘Sabke liye rang bhi toh khareedna hai! Amma Babuji ke liye hara, Buaji ke liye santari, Jiji ke liye neela, Devi Maiyya ke liye laal…. aur humaara? Humaara rang hoga peela,’Khushi said to herself, snuggling even more comfortably into her blanket by the poolside.

A smirk made its way onto Arnav’s face as he listened to her sorting out colors for her family. This girl was unbelievable.

Arnav looked around the garden. A myriad of colors stared back at him. Pink, yellow, orange and his favorite color red were among the many colors prevalent in the garden. Looking at the colors around him, Arnav couldn’t help but think of Khushi and her incessant chatter. She was like a rainbow that infused color into the dull environment surrounding it…. making it more beautiful to behold. And what had he done? He had made sure that he took the colors out of her life.

If I knew then,

What I know now….

I’d fall in love…..

Maybe there had been a part of him that had believed that Khushi could never do such a grievous wrong. And yet, he had chosen to not believe his instinct.

‘Agar aap humaare bare mein itni ghatiya soch rakh sakte hai, toh hume nahi lagta ki aap humaare safaayi ke laayak hai.’ Khushi told Arnav defiantly, staring at him with eyes that conveyed to him just how hurt she was by his accusations.

Agar aap soch sakte hai ki Shyaam ji aur humaare beech koi najaayaz rishta hai, toh aapki soch aapko mubaarak ho! Lekin humaare taraf se aapko sirf khaamoshi milegi!’

Arnav looked into her eyes..anger flaring in him with increased intensity. Why couldn’t she just tell him the truth? He opened his mouth to scream back at her.. but she continued to talk…not giving him a moment to voice his thoughts.

‘Ye safaayi aapne humse pehle kyun nahi mangi? Us raat kyun nahi mangi jab aapne humse zabardasti shaadi ki? Tab kyun nahi daala zor sachhayi jaane ke liye? Shayad hume himmat karni chahiye thi.. taaki cheekhke, chillake kisi bhi tarah sachhayi aapke kano tak pahaunche!’

‘Yeah right,’ Arnav countered, in a disbelieving tone. ‘Sach.’

‘Ji haan sach!,’ Khushi replied. ‘Who sach jisse aap milon door hai!’

She was right. He had been miles away from the truth. The worst part was, he hadn’t bothered finding out if he was right or not. He had assumed he was right. And that had led to all this. She had suffered the entire time she had been with him, for no fault of hers. The man responsible for all this mess however, was roaming scot-free, all due to his erroneous judgment. 6 months…..and today was the last day. Come tomorrow, Khushi would be gone. Back to her home, where no one would constantly mock her and shower hate on her when she didn’t deserve it.

Arnav looked towards the darkening sky and silently apologized to his mother for failing her this way. He stood up, plucked few of the red roses and made his way back to his car. He didn’t know what he would do or how….but he had to let Khushi know what he felt.

I used up a lot of chances

But you give them back

But if again it comes crawling

I’m gonna make it last…

‘Dekhiye…please hume jaane dijiye. Agar hum vaqt par nahi pahaunche toh humaari jiji ki shaadi toot jaayegi.’

‘Toh toot jaane do shaadi!’

‘Tumhe mujhse shaadi karni hogi. Cheh mahine keliye. Varna main tumhaari behen ki shaadi nahi hone doonga.’

He was responsible for breaking her sister’s marriage, marring her reputation in Lucknow and thereby forcing her to move to Delhi, making her life difficult as she worked in AR and he had yet again threatened to break her sister’s marriage in order to force her to marry him.

‘Itne mahinon mein main yahi soch raha hoon ki tum iss hadh tak kaise gir sakti ho! Ek baar bhi ye khayal nahi aaya ki jis shaadi-shuda insaan ko tum phasaane ki koshish kar rahi ho, voh kisi ka pati hai, Raizada parivaar ka damaad! Himmat kaisi hui tumhaari meri Di ki zindagi ke saath khelne ki! How could you!!!’

‘Jitni bahar se tum masoom dikhti ho, andar se utni hi… ‘

‘Main apni Di ke liye kuch bhi kar sakta hoon! Tum jaisi ladki se shaadi bhi!’

‘Kyunki main tumse nafrat karta hoon Khushi…aur ab tum uss nafrat ki wajah jaanti ho – that you don’t have a character.’

Not to mention the million times he had broken her heart. Yet, she had stood resolute throughout his verbal assault and emerged with a radiant smile back on her face in a matter of hours - while he was left fuming. She hadn’t let the storm in their relationship affect his family, while he had gone to great measures to ensure that he created the perfect hurricane in her life.

Cause love only comes

Once in a while

Knocks on your door

And throws you a smile

Arnav halted his car at the entrance to Shantivan. Never had he felt this kind of fear. But surprisingly, it wasn’t the fear of punishment. He deserved to be punished for what he had done. He feared losing Khushi – and he knew the chances of that were high. He couldn’t just sit here. Khushi would definitely leave if he didn’t do anything to avert it. He gathered the roses in his hand and made his way into the house.

It takes every breath

Leaves every scar

Speaks through your soul

And sings to your heart..

Various moments flashed across his mind as he moved towards his room. She had always made him feel complete in a way. One of the only people who had often seen through his harsh facade on the outside, and had no qualms calling him out on it. She was the first person to whom he had talked to about his mom, apart from his Di. One of the few people he had said sorry to, and one of the only people he had cared for…. before Shyam had spoiled it all. ‘He’s not the only one,’ Arnav amended as a new set of memories assaulted him.

'Gift nahi, toh tip samaj ke lelo'

‘Yeh mat samajhna ki ek ameer aadmi ne tumhaare payal ko apne seene pe laga ke baitha hai’

‘Apne Amma Bauji se nazre kaise milaati hogi’

‘Girna toh tumhaari fitrat mein hai’

‘Cheh mahine…jahan tum saans logi, wahan main bhi – disgusting!’

Arnav arrived at his bedroom. The doors were closed. He experimentally pushed against them lightly to find out that it wasn’t locked. Taking a deep breath, he stepped into the room to find Khushi packing her bags.

If I knew then,

What I know now….

I’d fall in love…..

Khushi heard the door swing open and braced herself for more hatred and cold vibes from Arnav. Receiving only silence from the other end, she furrowed her eyebrows. Something was definitely different. Clutching her suitcase firmly, she turned around to face him and what she saw surprised her.

Instead of a confident, haughty looking Arnav stood a man who looked nothing like him. The man in front of her had his head bowed down, and his shoulders sagged, as if weighed down by a burden. His hands held a bunch of beautiful red roses - something she knew wasn’t from his garden in the Raizada Mansion.

Arnav noticed as Khushi’s shoulders tensed the minute he stepped into the room. He felt more guilty than he had ever felt before his entire life. That he had driven Khushi to this level. As he observed her, he realized he wasn’t ready to face her yet. As Khushi turned towards him, Arnav averted his gaze downwards and made his decision. He definitely didn’t deserve her. But she deserved an apology. He wasn’t going to force her to stay with him.

For that was her choice to make.

Solely hers.

And with that, Arnav handed the reins of his life into God’s hands, a personality he had never believed in. He chose to speak his heart for once, and not bother about what his mind said - for that is what his mother had always wanted him to do, and now Arnav finally understood the power of the heart.

Arnav placed the roses on the surface of his bed, and looked at Khushi. It was now or never.

 

“I…. I’m sorry Khushi. Really sorry.”

The blank look in Khushi’s eyes was making it even more difficult for Arnav to talk further.

“I know these words seem too little and too late considering all the crap I have put you through, and I bloody well know it is too little. Maybe some part of me is hoping that it’s not too late.” Arnav ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Swallowing down his growing fear of losing Khushi yet again, he continued in a voice growing heavier with emotion. ”I… I won’t deny it, Khushi. I made a grievous mistake in choosing to not believe you. And… and the thing is - I’ve realized that the more I try to control my fate and that of others around me, the more I end up making things worse. And if there’s one thing my mother taught me…. It’s that there’s no escaping the fate you choose for yourself.” Arnav gazed into Khushi’s eyes, hoping to see a flicker of emotion - something…. anything… - but in vain.

For she had shut her eyes.

She had closed one of the only ways Arnav could hope to get through to her. And yet, something kept him from giving up hope. Maybe it was Khushi herself. Having seen her face life’s challenges resolutely had probably impacted him more that he could have ever known. Or maybe it was the realization that he was finally doing something right. Arnav continued to talk, trying to get through to Khushi, to try and bring back the woman whose spirit he had always admired…. A spirit which seemed to be fading away.

“You’re a wonderful person Khushi. Something I can probably never hope of being. This….. this may seem hard to believe Khushi, but I’ve died a little every time I hurt you.” Arnav paused, for Khushi had opened her eyes. He could make out the unspoken defiance at his statement in her stare as if she had screamed it at him. The look on her face made Arnav freeze. He wanted to tell her more - to make her realize just how much he wanted to apologize and make things alright – but he knew he had done enough already. So he stood there, head hung in shame, and lowered his eyes to utter his final words to her -

“If I had my way, I would spend the rest of my life making it up to you. And yet, I can’t hurt you more than I already have, Khushi. So I’m freeing you. Don’t worry about how you will have to explain things to everyone. I’ll take care of all of that. You are free to leave me Khushi…because all I’ve proved to you ever since we’ve met is that I don’t deserve you.”

Khushi walked towards Arnav slowly. While walking, she picked up the flowers lying on the bed.

Arnav glanced at Khushi. He observed her eyes, devoid of the twinkling mischief and the glow that he used to associate with her. She walked up to him, her face devoid of any expression. She stopped as she faced him.

Khushi stared searchingly into Arnav’s eyes for a long moment. A sheen of moisture appeared in her eyes, and giving him a slight shake of her head, she walked out of the room.

Arnav didn’t dare follow her. He remembered his Di’s words…something he had not paid any attention to before, but he realized it was true.

 ‘Pyaar toh dil se hi hota hai. Iss tarah se hisab kitab karke naap tol ke nahi hota. Pyaar toh bas ho jaata hai….’

‘Yeah Di…I know. Kyunki aapke hisab se ek din who ladki aayegi… jise dekhkar main sab kuch bhool jaaonga. Ek aur baat Di. Agar meri zindagi mein aisi ladki aa bhi gyai na…toh main usse door rahoonga. Kyunki main apni zindagi dimaag se jeeta hoon. Dil se nahi.’

‘Woh tum kar nahi paaoge.’

‘Kyun?’

‘Kyunki agar tum usse door gaye na…toh tumhaare saanse hi rukne lagengi’.

He felt it now. The feeling of something important being taken away from him. The feeling…. of being hollow.

Cause love only comes

Once in a while

Knocks on your door

And throws you a smile

It takes every breath

Leaves every scar

Speaks through your soul

And sings to your heart..

Arnav slumped down on the recliner in his room. It felt cold and uncomfortable - probably how he had made Khushi feel throughout all the months he had forced her to stay with him. He leaned forward and buried his face into his hands…trying to escape from the nightmare his life had turned into. Exhaustion overtook, and Arnav drifted asleep.

He woke up with a start in the wee hours of morning. He turned warily towards the bed as his eyes adjusted to the darkness within the room. Khushi wasn’t in the room, neither was her suitcase. However, the only thing present in the room that caught Arnav’s eye was the solitary rose lying on the bed.

He didn’t know if she would come back to him. He didn’t know if he had lost her forever. He did not know if she had accepted his flowers or thrown them in the dustbin outside their room. He didn’t want to open his wardrobe and find out that all of Khushi’s clothes – the only color in his wardrobe and his life alike – had disappeared. He didn’t want to delve deep into the reason behind her leaving a solitary rose for him.

He didn’t want to find out.

Not right now.

If I knew then,

What I know now….

I’d fall in love….. *

***

 Author's Note : So I deliberately didn't mention if Khushi forgave him or not. It’s left to your imagination.  :)

Do comment if you liked what you read! It means a lot to me! :)

A special shout out to Anji Di as well. Hope you like that ‘Oscar’ you received. :P

*The lyrics are from 'If I Knew Then' by Lady Antebellum